


Of Wishes and Fishes

by Westpass



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-05 14:33:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15172751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Westpass/pseuds/Westpass
Summary: Bizarre fic where each of the "Rogue Avengers" gets to make a wish of a magical being  and have it come true. Random ficlets (which aren't connected to the "Team Rhodes" /Insomnia A.M. series.)A couple of these ideas are a bit dark, fair warning. Nothing graphic, but "beware what you wish for" definitely applies. Wish-granters are not friendly beings in this fic. They grant said wishes to see how badly people can screw themselves over.





	1. Clint

Clint was bored.  
As much as he loved Laura and their kids, he was not cut out to be a full-time farmer. He hated chickens unless they were in the form of McNuggets (with soy sauce), and he barely managed to grow grass, let alone successful crops.  
He stuck to maintaining and repairing their house and any broken equipment. Laura's car needed to be replaced, he thought, the damn thing had something go wrong with it literally three times a week--every week! But at least it gave him something worthwhile to do. She insisted on keeping it, which was unusually sentimental for her.  
He was finishing up a paint job on the barn door, when someone cleared their throat behind him.

"Someone" was apparently a man the size of a cookie jar, wearing a jaunty hat, green jacket and shoes with buckles. 

"Top of the morning to you, sir!" 

"What..."

"Were ye just wishing for some good fortune or riches, perhaps?" 

Clint eyed him warily. "Not quite..."

"Well, Mrs. Barton has been quite kind to us in the past. She sends nobody away from her door hungry, which you surely know. So when I saw you laboring away I thought I should offer a hand. Sidhe don't much care for owing debts," tapping his own forehead. 

Apparently this wackjob had been into the good drugs. "You're telling me you're an elf?"

"Leprechaun, my good man."

"Riiight. Well then, I wish I had a million shiny rocks, an apple orchard and---what the heck? If we're playing this... a horse for my kids to ride."

"Oooh, imaginative. Done!" 

The man disappeared in a cloud of glitter..

When Clint didn't appear for supper, Laura came outside to check on him. 

There was no sign of him, only a huge pile of ...was that quartz?

And when had they planted apple trees?

"Clint?" she called, then yelled. "Clint!" 

Something bumped into her from behind. She turned to see an Appaloosa gazing at her. It wore a bright purple saddle and reins.


	2. Wanda

The battered, dusty little lamp gleamed as Wanda rubbed it with a polishing cloth. Maybe it _was_ made of gold? The shop where she'd bought it did have a few antiques, though mostly vintage clothing and basic furniture. She'd gotten the shopkeeper to let her have the lamp for only a dollar after a bit of...haggling. It wasn't as if he needed the money, after all.

A wisp of purple mist flowed out of the lamp's socket, thickened to a cloud, and then...turned into a strange young man wearing a black robe and sandals.

"What is thy will, O My Mistress?" He bowed, his head almost touching the floor. 

Wanda screeched, parrotlike, and jumped away from him. "What--who--How did you get in here?" 

"I am a Djinn. For almost six hundred years, that vessel was my prison. Now thanks to you, I have my freedom. My magics are slight, but I can grant any one wish you make of me. " 

"...You're not serious. Did Stark put you up to this?" she exploded, looking around for a hidden camera. "This is some kind of sick joke--How stupid does he think I am?"

"I assure you, it's no jest. If this 'Stark' is your enemy, I can deal with him if that is your desire."

 

"Is it! I want to never have to see him again!" she ranted, still searching the room.

There was a pause.

"As you wish."

The room went completely dark. 

She staggered, and almost fell. "What are you doing?" 

The intruder said nothing.

She made her way clumsily to the door, flicking the light switch. Nothing happened. 

"FRIDAY, lights!" she screeched. "And why did you let someone sneak in here?" 

The AI's voice was cool. " _I'm sure I don't know what you mean. Sensors don't detect anyone else in your quarters, Miss Maximoff. "_

"Turn. The. Lights. On!" Stupid machine! 

_They **are** on." _


	3. Sam

Sam had fought terrorists, helped kill aliens, faced off with the Winter Soldier and lived to tell the tale..

But his most hated enemy, his Nemesis?

This

Freaking 

Paperwork!!

He was apparently the only one of the current Avengers who understood modern American tax forms, or voter registration forms, or Nicaraguan bank money offers, or surveys, or...So he'd found himself elected by almost unanimous vote to deal with it. All of it.

He was currently going through a boxful of Steve's old mail...there was lingerie, requests for autographs, was that a freaking _monkey's paw_???

He put the non-paper items aside (what? He liked red lace. Sue him.)

"I wish I never have to deal with another one of these damn 1040s or ...any of this, " he grumbled. "Paperless, sign me up!"

"The safest hands are yours," Steve said comfortingly. "I'm going to get some takeout, want any?"

"No..." Sam picked up a sheet. "This is from yesterday, you should...Ack. This is a subpoena, Steve! Who gave it to you?" 

"A what?" Steve paused mid-retreat.

As Sam watched, the ink...disappeared, line by line, and then the form itself disintegrated into gray goo.

"...I'm seeing things." He fished a twenty out of his pocket. "Would you grab me some Starbucks coff--"

The bill turned to ash as his fingers touched it, drifting away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will come back tomorrow or Saturday to write Steve and Natasha's chapters and with any luck, the next chapter of "Disassembled". Off to bed for now and will be afk most of tomorrow.


	4. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm on the fence about this one, but up it goes. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'd also like to offer this as a prompt to anyone if the inspiration strikes: "Steve Rogers makes a wish to have things as 'easy' as Tony Stark supposedly did before the Avengers. Wish is granted; what happens next?'

Steve liked a lot of things about the 21st century. Technology, Velcro, color TV, tofu and sushi...  
What he'd been less impressed with? (aside from the whole 'alien locusts and bizarre green people and, God help us, Stark' ?  
The media.  
Nothing was private or off limits anymore, including ...stuff, that should stay between a man and his wife. He could *almost* understand why Stark acted as if he hated reporters. Then again, it wasn't like the billionaire couldn't pay off anyone who accused him of--well, unnatural practices, or asked rude questions about _his_ job or education or whether he was dating anyone. One brazen interviewer even asked Steve if he was still a virgin, for cat's sake!. On live radio! 

He walked into a local Chinese restaurant he liked. They didn't demand autographs or ask the same stupid questions about him being frozen. _Yes,_ it had hurt...and he still had nightmares about the cold. But he was an Avenger, their leader; he couldn't afford to be weak. Heroes didn't let a few bad dreams or shaky nights unman them.

He paused by the little 'wishing wel[', and absently dropped a penny into the water. _I wish things could be as simple for me as they are for Stark. Like they were before all the 'Avengers' crap..._

The food tasted delicious. He ate his fill for once, and went home to sleep without nightmares. 

He woke up gasping in pain, unable to catch his breath. Something was wrong...His body fell as if razor blades were jabbing to the bone. He yanked at his shirt, ripping it away. The fabric was soaked with blood. 

Then he screamed at seeing the hunk of metal embedded in his chest, glowing...it was one of those things Iron Man used to power the suit.  
_"What did you do to me, Stark?!"_

There was only silence. He was alone. None of his team answered his increasingly panicked yells. He couldn't move...


	5. Natasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this one is distinctly unfunny. Mentions of prostitution, murder, violence and dubcon hinted at, so if that upsets you, skip this chapter. 
> 
> I tried to like Natasha as a character, but her switching teams in CW and manipulating people who genuinely cared for her, had her back? Yeah, okaaay. 
> 
> So AU, pre-Avengers Nat who never makes it out of Russia.

Her first mark after graduation was an American businessman visiting Moscow. He represented a company that, among other things, manufactured weapons. The Red Room had tried for months to acquire some specialized items from his branch of the company, without success. Bribes failed to work, as did blackmail. An attempt at theft had been unsuccessful.They'd apparently found themselves dealing with the one incorruptible arms dealer in the business.

So it was decided, regretfully, that he should be 'replaced'. Hopefully his successor would be less difficult.

Natasha was told to make his death appear a natural occurrence.  
She met him at a bar he favored. He'd had a couple of drinks already, enough to not be suspicious when the curvy redhead in the little black dress approached him to whisper in his ear. After a few more rounds, he invited her back to his hotel room.  
She'd already slipped a dose of slow-acting but incurable poison into his vodka, but she had to play the part until the finish. 

He wasn't too drunk to perform, to put it bluntly, but she'd expected as much. He didn't notice that she didn't make a sound the entire time. Typical unobservant male. 

He slid a ring off his finger, offering it to her. It appeared to be a genuine ruby, but she hesitated. What if someone noticed it was gone?

"Take it, love," he urged. "You earned it."

She bit back the urge to slit his throat. How dared he---

No. It didn't matter. 

She pocketed the ring, waited until he lost consciousness, then sneaked out of the hotel unnoticed. 

After giving her report to her superior, she was given some time off. They let her keep the ring as a trophy.

 

When she tried it later, she was surprised to find that the ring fit her perfectly. 

"I wish I had an unlimited supply of that poison," she muttered to herself as she showered, scouring the odor of cheap cologne off her skin. 

Romanoff's superiors had ordered that she not be disturbed, as they knew the Black Widow liked privacy and quiet after a job. However, when she didn't come down to the refectory to eat for two days, someone was sent to check on her. 

Six hours later, when the first guard hadn't reported in, a second man was sent.

And a third.

Finally, Vasily Karpov got sick of excuses and stormed down to the girl's quarters. 

He crossed the threshold and almost ran into her. 

White, sticky threads covered every inch of the room. And...where those _coccoons_ hanging from the ceiling? 

"Thank you for coming, sir." She smiled at him, ran a hand down his chest. Her smile continued to widen, showing teeth...rows and rows...

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Be Careful](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218144) by [AnonEhouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse)




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